Crawl

“Why do you come here when you know they’re all gone?”

I always know she’ll be here. Even though I spend half my life running from her, half my life is spent trying to find her. And despite all the destruction she has wrought, I can’t bring her down. To kill her would mean becoming like her. And I am not her. I am not.

“I come here because you are here,” I say honestly. There is no use lying to her. She will know.

She comes softly to my side, and takes my hand. “How you stiffen at my touch,” she says. “I remember a time when you wouldn’t recoil from me.”

“That was a long time ago,” I say, taking my hand from her. I turn around to face her, but she’s already gone.

“I have a gift for you,” she says from the shadows. I hear a wet thump against the floor before that sweet smell pervades my senses. I take an involuntary step forward, but immediately step back once I hear her tinkling laughter. It’s weaker than the last time I heard her laugh.

“You’re dying,” I say, and once I do, I know it’s true.

“Don’t be silly,” she says, coming out from the darkened corner. There is blood and dirt on her face and dress, but the wicked smile is still there. She licks her fingers, and is suddenly beside me again. She strokes my face.

“I won’t die,” she says. “You won’t let me.”

I grimace because I know it’s true. I won’t let her die. Not even after I found her hunched over our parents’ bodies could I kill her. And I could have. She was weak and hungry. It would have been easy. It would have been so easy. But I couldn’t, and I can’t.

“Who is that?” I say, pointing to the body dying in front of me. That sweetness…I try not to breathe it in. I try not to give in to her.

“Oh,” she says, laughing. She sits beside the body, and takes his hand. “He was so sweet, so kind. He reminded me of you.” She looks at me, and for a second, she looks how she looked so many years ago. But then her smile becomes wicked again, and I remember who she is now is not who she was—will never be who she was. “That’s why I brought him here. He’s a present for you.”

I take more steps back. “I don’t want him,” I say.

She stands up with grace no human possesses. “I brought you a gift and this is how you show your gratitude?” She takes a few steps forward. “This is how you repay my charity?”

I see her pupils dilating and watch how her walk becomes more feline. She walks in a circle around me and I can feel her eyes wanting to shred my soul.

“Are you going to kill me?” I say.

“Why shouldn’t I?” she says. “What good are you to me, dear sister? What good are you ever to me? You and your righteousness always abandoning me only to come right back to me. Back to where it all started, where it always starts. You can’t escape me, and you don’t want to.”

“I should kill you,” I say. I feel anger build within me, feeding this parasite throbbing within me. I feel adrenaline pumping through my veins, my senses burning furiously.

“Should you?” She laughs. “You won’t kill me. You didn’t then, and you won’t now. We both know why I’m like this.” Her face darkens. “It was you, you did this.”

I clenched my fists. “I am the cause for what you are, but not what you’ve done. All those people you’ve killed… That was you. I did not make you kill them. I did not make you enjoy killing them. But you did. You enjoyed draining the life from all of them. And you won’t stop.”

She smiles. “You’re right. I won’t stop,” she says. With one swift movement, she picks up the man as if he was a doll and bares her teeth. She glances impishly at me first before she unhinges her jaw and rips out his throat, swallowing it whole. Blood rushes and splashes from the hole in his neck like an unholy waterfall.

“You know you want some,” she says, her mouth twisting into a bloodied grin. “You can’t resist him forever. You know you’ll give in.” She closes her eyes and breathes in. She snaps her eyes open and looks at me. “You’re hungry. I can feel it.”

“I can resist,” I say though I don’t believe it. “I’m no monster.”

Her grin widens. “Whatever helps you sleep during the day,” she says, and laughs.